Starting Point

As I sit here, posting for the first time in a long time, huge turns pass before my mind's eye. Whether the choices I made were right or wrong, it seems that God has been graceful and worked them out for my good. Now I'm not saying that kind of good always feels good, but neither does being rammed after pestering a goat (that's another story for another post). Anyways, it's been a time of painful refining, the slow smoothing away of high points by water, and the burning away of the chaff.

Let's see. First there was the summer job at Target that I interviewed for, begged God for, and then capriciously forgot about after a week passed without a single phonecall. God is so graceful, He gave the position to me even when I gave up hoping. Then came a teaching position that I wasn't too sure about. I had pretty much pridefully sworn off that idea before I graduated from college. Not another art teacher who teaches because she can't succeed as an artist... God's funny like that.

"Do anything for me? Go anywhere for me? Are you sure?" - God

During the interview, which I felt talked into, I had no idea that I was peering over the edge. Again, I felt very much the fence-sitter I've always been. For days I wrestled with not knowing if this job was God's will for my life. I wasn't thinking, "Will I be good at this?"

I was thinking, "How in the heck could I ever survive?"

But I took a dive. I'm here... hedged in. Just like Gomer in "Hosea", the story of my life. "Lovers less wild" have been sloughed off to reveal the fresh and tender undergrowth of faith. Everything I thought was good turned out to be not enough. God has brought me to a place where only He is enough. No man, no amount of money, no amount of friends, no position, no level of education, and no esteem were ever enough. It's only now that I've realized, and hopefully, internalized forever this truth.

The joy is steady when I find myself seeking after and trusting Him.